A Respectful Wife Deferred to Her Husband

According to Vogue’s Book of Etiquette, published in 1948, wives should defer to one’s husband as “head of the house.” By not paying proper respect to their husbands, the thinking went, bad-mannered American wives were placing their husbands in a subordinate position, which was “most unbecoming to a man.” Among the suggestions for being a better wife were to say “we” or “our” instead of “I” or “me,” and to let one’s husband take the lead on deciding when to leave a party. Reflecting the often oppressive gender norms of the era, the guide reminds wives that “a woman can gracefully play second fiddle, but a man who is obviously subordinated to a dominating woman is a pathetic and foolish figure.”

There Should Be One Servant for Every Two Dinner Guests

The anonymous countess who authored the 1870 etiquette book Mixing in Society: A Complete Manual of Manners declares, “It is impossible to over-estimate the importance of dinners.” She goes on to detail the many aspects of planning and hosting a dinner party. In addition to having an equal number of ladies and gentlemen at a dinner (and never 13, out of respect for superstitious guests), the hostess should make sure to have “one servant to every two guests, or, at least, one to every three.”

A Man Was Expected to Choose His Riding Companion’s Horse

Published in 1883, American Etiquette and Rules of Politeness outlines the rules for men going horseback riding with a woman, noting that the gentleman should “be very careful in selecting her horse, and should procure one that she can easily manage.” He is also admonished to “trust nothing to the stable men, without personal examination,” and to “be constantly on the lookout for anything that might frighten the lady’s horse.”

The Most Important Rule for Children Was Obedience

In 1922, Emily Post published her first book of good manners, Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home. It offered more than 600 pages of rules and standards, from how to make introductions to proper behavior when traveling abroad. No one was exempt from learning and practicing proper etiquette, including children. “No young human being, any more than a young dog, has the least claim to attractiveness unless it is trained to manners and obedience,” Post states in the chapter “The Kindergarten of Etiquette.” In addition to learning how to properly use a fork and knife and remaining quiet while adults are speaking, a child should be taken away “the instant it becomes disobedient,” directs Post. By teaching a child that it can’t “‘stay with mother’ unless it is well-behaved,” she writes, “it learns self-control in babyhood.”

Flirting Was a Sign of Ill Breeding

Published in 1892, the guidebook Etiquette: Good Manners for All People; Especially for Those “Who Dwell Within the Broad Zone of the Average,” focused on advice for middle-class Americans, and not just wealthy society. The book describes itself as offering “some of the fundamental laws of good behavior in every-day life” for “people of moderate means and quiet habits of living.” In the chapter on “Gallantry and Coquetry,” readers are reminded that there is nothing wrong with a man enjoying the company of a charming woman, or a woman delighting in the conversation of a brilliant man. However, these acts of mutual appreciation have “nothing in common with the shallow travesty of sentiment that characterizes a pointless flirtation.” Not only is flirting a sign of poor breeding, the guide suggests, but “a married flirt is worse than vulgar.”

A Man Couldn’t Speak to a Woman Unless She Spoke to Him First

During England’s Victorian era in the 19th century, women had “the privilege of recognizing a gentleman” first by acknowledging him with a bow, according to the 1859 British handbook The Habits of Good Society: A Handbook of Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen. Men were expected to wait for that acknowledgment before speaking. “No man may stop to speak to a lady until she stops to speak to him,” the book advises. The guidelines go on to say, “The lady, in short, has the right in all cases to be friendly or distant. Women have not many rights; let us gracefully concede the few that they possess.”

The Symbol Is Found in Nature

In geometric terms, the heart shape is known as a cardioid, and forms resembling it can be found throughout the natural world. In fact, one of the most compelling theories about the origin of the heart symbol points to ancient agriculture and the symbolism of plants, rather than human anatomy.

In the ancient city of Cyrene (modern-day Libya), a species of giant fennel known as silphium was so highly valued that it drove the economy of the region. Its uses were wide-ranging: Silphium was a prized seasoning, a powerful medicine, and, most notably, a natural contraceptive. It was so essential to life and love in the ancient world that it was stamped onto Cyrenian coins.

The plant’s seedpod, in particular, bore a strong resemblance to the heart symbol we recognize today — a smooth, symmetrical form tapering to a point. Because silphium was closely associated with love, sexuality, and fertility, some historians believe the shape of its seedpod may have directly influenced the development of the symbolic heart.

Other plants have also echoed the heart’s curves. Ivy leaves, long associated with fidelity and eternal love in Greek and Roman symbolism, display a heartlike silhouette. The fig leaf, tied to sensuality in ancient art and myth, and even water lily leaves, often shaped like rounded hearts, may have subtly reinforced the motif in art and decoration.

It Took on a Romantic Meaning in the Middle Ages

By the Middle Ages, the symbolic heart began to appear more frequently in religious art and literature in Europe, often representing divine or spiritual love. In Christian iconography, saints such as St. Augustine were depicted holding or pointing to flaming hearts, symbolizing their devotion to God. The Sacred Heart of Jesus, which emerged in medieval devotional art, emphasized themes of love, sacrifice, and compassion — establishing the heart as a spiritual symbol.

At the same time, more secular interpretations of the heart were gaining popularity. In illuminated manuscripts from the 13th and 14th centuries, lovers were sometimes shown exchanging hearts — both literally and metaphorically. A notable example appears in the 14th-century French manuscript Roman de la Poire (“Romance of the Pear”), in which a man offers his heart, shaped much like the modern symbol, to his beloved. These early heart illustrations were often red, symmetrical, and stylized — but they didn’t always follow today’s orientation. Some were shown with the point facing upward, while others were more angular or leaflike.

The Printing Press Helped Solidify the Symbol

The invention of the printing press in the 15th century helped standardize and spread the heart symbol across Europe. As printed materials became more widely available, so did visual motifs — and the heart, already associated with courtly love and devotion in art, literature, and music, was a popular choice. Early printers used woodcuts to embellish books and pamphlets with heart shapes in religious texts, emblems, and romantic illustrations. Around the same time, in 1498, Leonardo da Vinci created one of the first anatomically accurate drawings of the human heart — but his scientific rendering had little influence on the romanticized symbol already taking hold in popular culture.

As Valentine’s Day evolved into a romantic holiday in England and France, printers began mass-producing cards and tokens adorned with cupids, flowers, and heart motifs. In the 18th and 19th centuries, the heart was everywhere — on embroidery, porcelain, stationery, and jewelry. In the Victorian era, heart-shaped lockets and lace-trimmed valentines became cherished expressions of sentiment. No longer tied to anatomy or philosophy, the heart symbol fully transformed into a visual shorthand for love and emotional connection — a role it still plays today in greeting cards and text messages around the world.

Greeks and Romans Tossed Grains To Call on the Gods

As civilizations became more organized, these agricultural customs became woven into more formal religious traditions. In ancient Rome, guests often tossed wheat or barley at weddings in honor of Ceres, the goddess of agriculture, fertility, and family. Roman brides sometimes wore crowns or garlands of wheat in their hair, highlighting their expected role in continuing the family line.

Greek ceremonies included similar practices, invoking Demeter, the goddess of the harvest, through offerings of grain. These were not simply quaint traditions — they reflected larger beliefs about the social order, divine favor, and the sacredness of the household. In both cultures, grains were offered not only for luck but also as part of a broader worldview that linked successful marriages with divine blessing and societal stability. A good harvest and a good marriage were seen as intertwined — and both needed the favor of the gods.

Rice Played a Sacred Role in Ancient Asian Ceremonies

While wheat and barley featured prominently in the West, rice took on sacred importance in many Asian cultures. In China, rice has symbolized life, wealth, and harmony with nature for thousands of years. Historically, rice featured prominently in ancestral offerings and seasonal rites, and its association with fertility and family continuity made it a natural part of wedding customs. In some regions, for instance, rice was scattered around newlyweds to bless the union or offered to ancestors to gain their favor for the marriage.

In India, rice has been integral to Hindu wedding rituals for thousands of years. One of the most meaningful customs is Akshata, in which whole grains of rice — often dyed with turmeric or vermilion — are showered on the bride and groom as a symbol of abundance, fertility, and divine favor.

Across Southeast Asia, similar rituals appear, many tied to local fertility goddesses, such as Dewi Sri in Indonesia. Wedding ceremonies often include offerings of rice to spirits or deities to ensure harmony, fertility, and a blessed union. In these cultures, rice is not just food but also spiritual currency, deeply connected to the cycles of life and marriage. 

Rice Was Introduced to Europe Through Trade 

Despite its importance elsewhere, rice was largely unfamiliar in Europe until it began arriving via trade routes from Asia and the Middle East. By the Middle Ages, it had made its way into European markets, thanks to expanding contact with the Islamic world in places such as Spain and Sicily, and increased trade spurred by the Crusades.

At first, rice was considered a luxury item — rare, expensive, and used mostly by the wealthy. But over time, it became more accessible and began appearing in ceremonial contexts, including weddings. Its symbolism — fertility, longevity, and abundance — dovetailed neatly with older European traditions. Long before rice arrived, rural communities used native grains such as wheat, oats, and barley in wedding rites to bless the couple with prosperity and children.

By the 19th century, throwing rice at weddings had become a widespread and beloved tradition in Western cultures. It was a way of honoring ancient fertility symbols with a modern twist, combining imported ingredients with long-held wishes for joy, health, and a flourishing family life.  

How the Rice-Throwing Ritual Has Changed

In recent decades, the tradition of throwing rice has shifted as couples opt for alternatives that are either more environmentally friendly or better suited to specific venues. Today, it’s not uncommon to see guests showering newlyweds with dried flower petals, birdseed, bubbles, or biodegradable confetti. These variations serve the same symbolic purpose — celebrating the beginning of a new life together with joy and good wishes — while also accommodating modern sensibilities.

Some venues discourage the use of rice because of cleanup concerns or the widespread (but incorrect) belief that it harms birds. That myth, which gained traction in the 1980s, claimed that birds would eat the rice, which would swell in their stomachs and cause injury or death. However, wildlife experts and ornithologists have since debunked that idea. Birds can digest uncooked rice just fine — after all, it’s a staple food for many wild species around the world.

While fewer couples may use rice today, the impulse behind the tradition endures. Whether it’s a cloud of bubbles or a scatter of petals, these celebratory send-offs are a continuation of an ancient wish: that the couple’s new life will be fruitful, joyful, and blessed with abundance.